Reviews of my First Web Novel (Not Good)

I have no idea how to take this data. Today, I summoned up some guts and took a look at my old web novel. I wrote it a long time ago. There are so many views and likes but the reviews are horrible! The reviews and bad comments are what made me give up half way. I look back at the story now and cringe inside. It was pretty bad, but not as horrible as they make it out to be, I think. I was trying to subvert some tropes, which did not go down well, maybe. I don’t know…


  • Total Views :
  • 205,781
  • Average Views :
  • 6,638
  • Followers :
  • 1,460
  • Favorites :
  • 259
  • Ratings :
  • 350
  • Pages :
  • 339
  • Overall Score:
  • 4.05/5



Story is pretty dumb to me.

OP mc that pretends to be weak so his friends can get proper training. Which is fine and dandy, but why is the action the main focus. Why should I care about any fights when the m.c. can shitstomp everything at a moments notice. Literally zero tension.

Maybe this story would be OK if there was literally any other focus, like, I dunno…. maybe the love interest that his heart yearned for literally millenia. But nah, we get a boring cookie cutter rpg apocalypse that’s not even done well.

Take all those issues combined with the stupid character names, and I’ve gotta bail. I get they’re weirdos from California so it’s believable, but come on.

Best of luck author, to everyone else: avoid this


I hate giving this story a low rating, because the idea behind us is fantastic. Yet, the writing is just holding me back from enjoying it.

I’m not claiming to be an amazing 5 star writer, so take my review lightly. This needs a rewrite. There is tension, no character, just names and actions. Fuck, as I wrote this review, I forget the MC’s name, what he even looks like, a single personality trait. Just that he misses his fiancé. 

This is by no means a “this story sucks, stop writing” review. Nor a “Dont read this story” review. 

If this gets rewritten, I will be on of the first to read it. Trust me, a rewrite will do wonders. My own story needed one, and it is more well received because of it. 

Hope you keep being awesome.


Just an update, yes the story needs some editing
but i still stand by my review, i meant everything
it’s a fun tale, which will re-earn its five stars in time
budding authors testing their knew skills is not a crime 🙂

I think stuff like this is what this site is all about
it’s so fun and full of heart, the author goes all out
it’s a blend of genres that most people here will love
and its quality of writing is a cut above

The style is really witty, but it doesn’t joke too much
the growth of characters is told with quite a subtle touch
ethics and morality, relationships and more
the story’s fast but these are things it takes time to explore

There’s some POV switches near the end of arc-one
but they add a lot of depth, and I think they’re well done
there’s some stats and blue boxes, used sparingly and well
which help the story flow with all the info that they tell

The story starts within a tower, but there is a ‘bug’
and we’re left with an op mc, who’s strong but not smug
the main cast make some friends and enemies along the way
without spoilers, “solid plot” is all that I can say


The characters are really where this story shines the most
they’re complex and original, not perfect but almost
the lead is deep and interesting, his growth is rewarding
his moral growth keeps his OP-ness from getting boring

The grammar is all good, and small mistakes rarely appear
most of all, it’s smooth and tells the story loud and clear
it’s about as good as you could ask for on this site
rough around the edges but it’s mostly watertight

This tale is like a love-letter to webnovel culture
it hits all the right notes for an epic adventure
it’s still getting started and the author might be new
but it’s so much fun to read, I think you’ll love it too


I only got a few chapter in, and have to say this isn’t my cup of tea.

While the character says that so many hours have passed, the reader never gets any real sense of time or flow for the story.


With so much time dilation I understand not having us slog through all of that, but it comes to quickly and easily for the character. 

As far as the idea behind the story, it is a good one that has been done before, but not over done. In this case, I think it was just executed with poor pacing and character development. We have very little world building, and at this point I would have welcomed an info dump over having so little of an intro.

Bon seems like a very flat character so far. We know he likes a girl and can do programming of some sort. He seems to have very few emotions except in a couple places. He doesn’t feel strongly enough to really stand out so far, even though he has spent years in this tower already. No character development so far. And don’t get me started on the ghost. 


As far as grammar goes, there seems to be few spelling errors even if the prose could use some work. I didn’t get jarred out of the story because too many wrong words or odd phrases were there, which was nice.

It was the characters and development that killed this one for me.


For the author’s first, work, it’s actually quite a good attempt and I have read much worse, sadly the world is not fair and this is not being compared to authors’ first-time stories but any in general.

Going through the issues of the story, I have nothing against OP MC’s, it is one of my favorite sub-genres though I felt that it just did not fit the story idea here.

When you read the title of ********* and read the synopsis, you think you’re getting into a story where the main character goes through David and Goliath and beats these incredible bosses with planning and skill. We get some of this but the execution was not there, for the whole title of the story it felt too rushed like these bosses were only minor inconveniences apart from the mangrove one.


Overall, this story is a combination of a few different story types such as the tower and dungeons with a system thrown in. Bon’s original party with Steven had some developments. However, his original friend’s party feels quite flat and just trudging along.  

I think the author has something to work with here, as of chapter 29, all the story needs is a slight touchup on personalities, individualism and expanding on Bon’s boss fights, make those harder. Show Bon learning attack patterns of bosses on top of using the environment to his advantage. 

When Bon finishes the Alpha test, makes us feel like Bon accomplished the impossible, that he deserves his new powers. The Alpha test is untapped gold for the story, with plenty of ways to expand the universe and give both the readers and Bon a better idea of the different creatures that inhabit it. 

While this is only a basic review, I can’t remember any spelling or grammar issues I noticed. 

Overall, I enjoyed reading the first 29 chapters that have been released. 

Note to the Author: I would recommend giving the story a rewrite once you are more comfortable at writing. As said earlier, it’s not terrible, just unpolished I think.


Style: The more I read the more I disliked the story. The story felt poorly written, the pacing was off and overall felt like the author was trying to get through the tower as quickly as possible even if in the process the story as a whole suffered.

Story: The early timeskip seemed to happen too abruptly and skipped over too much at once. For how long the timeskip supposedly lasted the main character seemed fairly unaffected. This story focuses on a main character with a power level high enough that the story needed to be carried by other aspects (which is not a problem in and of itself, I have seen it done well) and they fail to do so. There is no real sense that the main character actually had to work hard to achieve his current power, even if the story occassionally says so. The setting of the story doesn’t really make much sense.

Grammar: Grammar wise I didn’t notice any issues so at least it has that going for it

Characters: The final nail in the coffin and the reason I am writing my first review on this site despite having used it for years. The characters are downright unlikeable. Their interactions are odd, with a weird hostile undertone to most of them. The main character is dull, weird and wishy washy. At times he is very childish and is frankly dumb. The other key characters in the stoy up until this point are just as if not more unlikeable.



The first few chapters are honestly pretty bad, essentially just a ton of blue boxes, and completely ignoring the MC’s mental health. However the story improves once Bon reaches the tutorial proper and is able to interact with people. The writing not amazing, but it is good and delivers the dopamine from the MC winning perfectly well.


Pretty generic overpowered main male lead dicks around in an extradimensional tower while cookie-cutter characters conflate old fiction with reality. It’s ok for an amateur writer, but it’s not good. The story focuses more on telling rather than showing– leading each chapter to be a samey mess of <intro to floor> <boss status> <description that’s long yet vague> <instant kill> <skill box> <main character hides>.

I think the premise is good, but it falls into the pitfall of overexplaining and overreliance on status boxes. The setup for the protagonist basically nixes the impact of any numberical values for him afterward– making a lot of the content in the following chapters feel superfluous. 


This feels, very, very similar to a comic called the Latna Saga where the mc was trapped in the tutorial and couldn’t level past level 5 and every time he cleared the tutorial it would reset, eventually the “administrators” fixed his tutorial and he was let out into the world proper to start his adventure for real


I just binge-read this story up to chapter 25, and was very impressed with the story so far. The characters are interesting, the story engaging, and there are no major grammar/spelling errors.

Style is where I would say this story is weakest, though even then it isn’t that weak. The story, in a few parts, seems rushed, and we don’t get that much of a description of the powers.

This is perhaps most notable when he first gains the ability to spend Skill Points. We got a whole list of spell names, but no description of what they do. This is, probably, designed to make it easier to pull out the correct spell or ability for the occasion, but it comes across as lazy writing. There does appear to be some thought into what skills are available, but I think that is more an organic list than a hard one.

Still, I would reccomend this novel for an afternoon (or morning in this case) read, and rate it an overall 4.5/5 stars.

Apparently advanced reviews have to be at least 200 words long, so: Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur. Excepteur sint occaecat cupidatat non proident, sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum.


So at the start, like a few others I had a problem with the rapid time skip leveling.

It kind of felt like the author just got tired of that line and wanted to skip forward.

I think that the story has improved as time goes on. (on chapter 31 now).

At least the MC doesn’t have a harem of bimbos following him around! (major bonus there!)


Using time dilation to make the MC OP isn’t an original premise, but the author makes his story entertaining.  The first “arc” involves Bon experiencing a system glitch and stuck in a boss tower, where he must endure deaths to slowly increase his power.  X number of years later, Bon defeats the tower and goes straight to the normal starter tower he should have went in the first place.  At this point, the author could have gone in various directions: turn the story into a wish fulfillment where the MC swings his big D around like a champ; go hermit route and seek enlightenment; or pretend to be weak and act normal.  The last option is the most challenging, and I’m glad the author took it.  The payoff is a highly entertaining story.

That said, I disagree with the prologue, and I feel that it detracts from the overall story.


I don’t understand how you can think it’s a good idea to give your character god-like power within a couple chapters, then spend the rest of your “story” doing cliche stupidity, all while hiding his power for some dumb reason. This isn’t a story. There is no conflict, there is no tension, characters are basically nonexistant. Play cookie clicker, you’ll get a more well rounded experience.

🧐 🤔… Art!

The prompt Braden set: what is art to me?
This one was a real challenger
As hard as climbing a tall mango tree
Easier when I was younger
Now I’m scared I’ll lose my balance

We need to define and categorise
It’s what makes us humans- human
One of the things in a long list of traits
Dismaying many young students
Species, genus, order, phylum

We classify everything, helps us think quickly
But what is art? And what is it to me?
Action movies aren’t art apparently
And there’s a difference between genre and literary
I find as much beauty and truth in Naruto (shounen anime) as Bergman’s ‘Seventh Seal’

I guess, for me, art is about communication
I am touched when I see something that transcends nature
Meaning, a depiction that we are more than just beasts,
imprisoned by our animalistic urges:
Eat, drink, procreate, dominate

With structure
Is fun
And fun
Is good
I can
Feel it
Hence, ‘art’?
I don’t know
By that
Blank canvas
With a
(Or is it taped to a wall? I’m too lazy to look it up now)

I Found A Lost Gem

I used to take part in her prompts in my previous avatar(my last blog ended with my mad rampage and self destruction. Think: {me yesterday} x100. I didn’t blog again for three years. I might write about it, when the time is right.) Cubby’s amazing. It’s a pity that she stopped posting. She was full of cheer, and I have not come across any prompts that were quite like hers. I’m thankful that she didn’t delete her blog.

I have been too active these past two days. I am going to try to restrict my posting. It’s just that everything else is so boring all of a sudden.

A Medium Sized Rant (Or Cuckoo)

I’m feeling a little blue. I didn’t even know I was, until some comments I’d written helped me understand. They weren’t mean or aggressive comments, or anything like that. They were just a reflection of what I was thinking. I try to think deeply about things, with stress on ‘try’. A general sense of melancholy only gets noticed when there’s an outburst of some sort, or maybe that’s just how it works for me. I do not usually exchange comments with people I don’t know in the manner I did, which I found unusual later on.

I guess it all started when I started uploading my songs on YouTube and posting links here. I’ll be the first to admit that they need a lot of work. The recording quality is bad, the composition is all over the place, the volumes of the various tracks only further intensify the general cacophony, and the less said about my voice the better!

I’m feeling a little blue. I usually noodle around on my guitar when I feel like this, and it helps… but not this time. I’m feeling blue because of that damn thing! I tend to reflect a lot on myself, especially when I’m in one of my moods. I guess it helps me grow. So…

I’m feeling a little blue. I thought I’d be increasing the quality of my content and have fun doing it. It took quite a bit of work, even though the songs are very rough around the edges. They aren’t like writing. Writing is much easier. I wouldn’t care so much if my writing wasn’t read as much, since I don’t work hard on it. I don’t look for validation in my writing, most of the time. (If it was a web novel, an article, or a proper book, it would be different.) My songs are a whole other matter. Fueled by manic madness and dedication, it fell flat (my damn voice!) My plans backfired on me. From 50 hits a post, it fell to ~20. I don’t understand the drastic reduction. Do people hate my songs so much that it put them off everything I posted?

I’m feeling a little blue. I know I shouldn’t be, but the only person who has subscribed to my YouTube channel lately is someone wearing a strange hat and holding a gigantic machete. I know that I shouldn’t judge a person based on his profile picture, but this is just scary.

I’m feeling a little blue. I’m not sure if the reason I’m losing readers might be because of something else. Did I do something to upset everyone? I sometimes write and comment without thinking. I am not contradicting the opening para…I find it hard to think at times. My thoughts flow very slow.

I’m feeling a little blue. I used to post a picture I drew of a *ahem* rooster, and feel all better. I used to think that it was a very clever euphemism. I was 28 back then. Go figure… (Wait, I was 31. I counted wrong. Wtf!) Sadly, I’ve lost that picture. And looking back at it now, it would be a bad idea. I am, after all, a gentleman *snort*

I’m feeling a little blue. It might be because of some other stuff that I don’t even know about. Thinking can be dangerous. I miss my sister. She’s far away and not doing too well. The only thing I can do for her is give her some common sense advice…and pray.

I’m feeling a little blue. I miss all my friends. My closest one will be visiting my city in December, but he’s married now and has a kid. Things have changed. I am not sure how our meeting will go. I really want to see his little daughter though. I can’t imagine him being a father.

I’m feeling a little blue. Every day is the same. I don’t want to get out of my shell, but I hate it in here.

I’m feeling blue…oooh oooh oooh

Searching for feelings true

I’ll find them at the zoo

With the lions… and elephants too

Can’t find a lady to woo

Things are so boring boohoo

I want to skip to my lou

But I can’t get farther than the loo

The pigeons go coo coo

Just like that old clock

Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo!

The Measure of a Man

With only a moment between
What was and what will be
What is the measure of a man?
Can he be truly free?

The Watchmaker fashions
His little cogs and gears
Timeless is the infinite jest:
Infinity measured in years

We are merely players
On a stage in a cage
Voting for the best performers
Though we’ve read just one page

Conform or be cast out
Each age, the same old game
Histories written by victors
To leave behind their name

With only a moment between
What was and what will be
What is the measure of a man?
Can he (ever) be truly free?

(This was going to be a song, but I’m feeling burned out. Trying to translate those folk songs I’d planned on covering was too damn frustrating. I wrote this to get all of that out of my head, and it felt so good to just let the words flow.)

Deep Dive

Let us go then to the ocean
First over,  then on, then in
A graceful dive with a little splash
A baleful jive with Davy Jones
Splash splash splash, but there’s so much trash
I’m prone to panic
Haven’t earned my gills
In this oil spilled subnautica
Dying coral and octopii
Beseeching,  begging, asking why
There’s a message in the bottle
With half a litre of kerosene
Something obscene
A tribute to Molotov
Set loose from a flotilla
Of politics
Always dirty
Where the enlightened leader
Cut the ribbon
Of the eight billionth kalashnikov
Ever made in the world
In this world
Stirred and shaken by a bond
Of sheer utter depravity
This world
Beseeching,  begging, asking why

Let them go to the sky
While we dive beneath
And drink our sorrows neat
Raging and complaining
To mermaids and sunken gods
To doubloons being corroded by
the tides,  moods of the moon
Let us carve our runes
on rotting wood, while misunderstood skulls
muse on their lives… I charge by the hour
Five smiles, paid in full
And they can’t be sour

Let them go to the stars
In their cars
Through VR
While we dream of submerged caverns
Listening to the vibrations
The machinations
Of the Empire of Man
Toy soldiers cultivating metal hearts
Juiced, and let loose
On an unsuspecting populace
A zombie apocalypse
Is already upon us
But it’s not on the news
Dead eyes holding AR 15s
AK 47s
KKK 666s

I don’t blame them
For their escapism

Games of power
Hasta Manana, Senorita
if you don’t get mugged and murdered
on your way home
Fear is in the air, that’s how they want it
When people are scared they don’t think or care enough
Divide and conquer all the tableware
Six forks, eight knives and twelve silver spoons… enough
for each chair at the table?

How do you justify an offensive war?
Human lives exchanged for money and power
Thousand dollars a soul
Munchausen theatrics to assuage your conscience
Let them explain their guilt away
We have no time for that today
The dolphins have come out to play

Sweating it Out

Throat sore
Body aching
“God bless you”
I can’t speak
While outside
The heat
Is frying people alive
36 degrees here
44 in some places up north
Sweating it out
While practicing
Little finger aching
Everything is paining
I haven’t been painting
But I have been training
Almost fainting
From the heat
Can’t eat wheat
My throat…
Spicy ramen
Yum yum yum

[I have been feeling ill. I wanted to post a song. Couldn’t sing, so I postponed my original composition, ‘Dwarf Beer’. Thought I’d do a cover of George Benson’s version of Danny Boy, and call it Tanny Boy, but I need much more practice to make it sound like music. Jazz is hard… my electric guitar doesn’t sound good either, the bridge is broken, but I won’t blame my tools. I think I will be able to play an okayish version of Tanny Boy in a week. I will try to attempt the W3 challenge, but I am not sure I’ll be able to write something decent. Let’s see… Till then, toodles. ]

Love Found Again (With Song 🎸 🎶)

I see the earth clad in red and gold
Starry crown for this visage so old
Lakes of ice, streams of tears
My long lost love appears
Her cold whispers warm me
They told me she drowned at sea
She had died
So long ago
But I saw her there
She said hello

Listen to Love Again.mp3 by Tanmay on #SoundCloud

[My first try recording and mixing. That’s why it is so short. I think I did okay. There are lots of mistakes, but I’m too tired to get it right. I’ve already tried about a dozen times. I don’t have any recording equipment, but I figured out how to plug my guitar amp to my laptop. I didn’t realize my voice was so bad. Two decades of smoking will do that to you, I guess. I can manage a baritone, but not much else. I thought whispering would work better, and give it a ghostly feel. Yeesh, there are a few grammar mistakes, but I don’t want to record again.]

[I should have lowered the volume on the whispering. I will try singing my next one. ]

The Four Lords

That only I can hear
Rushing through my nerves
Dust motes
Charged through induction
In my direction

What news from the west?
I ask the Storm Lord
Painted all in red
What news from the west?
I strum a dim chord
For dark clouds overhead

The sacred land
Past the jungle hills
Has been despoiled
By the dark hand
Of man, whose will
Has all been soiled
By the babble of greedy vermin

What news from the south?
I ask the Mountain Lord
Sitting upon his throne
What news from the south?
I strum a dim chord
Feeling dread in bone

The land of three seas
Is now full of disease
The rivers cry and moan
The once great trees
Whose crowns none could see
Into the fire were thrown

The Lord of the Hunt
Brings word from the east
Genocide in the smoke
None can confront
The demonic beast
These people have invoked

The Lord of the Dance
Who looks on the north
Whispers in my ear
I can’t maintain the trance
I hear but one fourth
Of his words clear

The spirits of the free
Try to break the chain

I strum a dim chord
And think of their words
While I stare at my fan
The four great lords
Have turned into birds
Still tweeting about man

Wind Talker

O’er red roofs the winds did blow
A child looked up and said hello
The South Wind whispered into his ear
Tales of yore from everywhere
He turned his head and closed his eyes
The East Wind came and the boy did rise
She lifted him up into her arms
And he looked down at the towns and farms
The West Wind laughed and pulled down stars
To make a wreath to cover his scars
The North Wind blew his worries away
The boy forgot the world that day
But night did come and shadows crept
He fell to the dirt and then he wept
He did not hear the winds’ lament
He did not see his own descent
Magic gone,  he wandered on and on
Though morning came he saw no dawn
He sought out death but could not die
All happiness vanished from his eye
Now with strands of grey upon his chin
He feels the wind caress his skin
He gazes up and says hello
To the winds he met so long ago

[I plan to turn this into a song some time in the future. I guess I could just sing it, but it would be better with some accompaniment.]