My Art Rating: 0.5 Bananas 😭

I wanted to do something special
Something big,  something beautiful
For my month iversary (with digital art)
And all I had was a digital canvas
Filled with a substandard copy
And chaotic brush strokes
I wanted to break something
But those days of rage
Were long behind me
Weary acceptance now
…
Then the Lady appeared
“Why so glum
Why so mum
Say something
Anything
Even about nothing
Like you sometimes do”
If I rated my drawings in bananas
I told her
I was sure
It would be half a small one
An underripe and damaged one
“You may not manage one
Now”
She said
In my head
“Transcendent paintings
Are de rigeur
Sure
But they take time
And a special sort of inspiration
Don’t force it
I’ll still endorse it
Your new found purpose
You’re very earnest
And now you know
That grey has a thousand shades”
I had never read the book
Or seen the movie
BDSM was not my thing
I wouldn’t play that game
Even for someone wearing my ring
“I meant real colour, silly
Look at where your mind wanders
Next you’ll tattoo a fleur de lily
And claim to be Molly Flanders”
Who was Flanders, Molly
And why would I engage in such folly?
Was she the Marchioness of Flowers
That most mystical place
Filled with artistic grace
Where the muses sang
And the timbrils rang
And the lyres laid
With violins and made
Stringed babies
…
Violence and lies
Bad pun
…
Never mind
…
Anyway,
Where the muses sang
In time
Always in time
These were no maenads
But my muse seemed quite mad
Maybe she was half and half?
“Don’t worship the golden calf”
She said
“Muses and fuses,  mere tools
Use, misuse, abuse,  refuse
But don’t let them control you
Or you’ll end up  at war
With your psyche
And without electricity”
It was then that I realized
That I needed to back everything up
And stop sipping from the cup
Of laziness
My craziness
Was a tool too
That could be used,  abused,  misused But not refused
Every part of me was a tool
I just needed an instruction manual
Are we dual?
Did my boot contain a window to Ubuntu?
You and I
I asked the Lady
Two in I? II Roman style?
My mind was focussed on advaita
But I needed more data
To make a reasonable hypothesis
On my life’s purpose
The Lady blew a raspberry… pi
“Remember the porpoise?”

I remembered
My first poem of chaos
Where I had to choose
Between a fish and a gun
But got jailed for contempt
When I grew unhappy
At the settlement
Was all of this
Really nonsense?

“Chaos, my dear’
She stroked my cheek
“Apeiron, the unknown, the deeps
Where discoveries sleep
You need to dive down
And almost drown
In madness
To escape the blandness
Of safety and sanity
If you want to be
Pioneer
Discoverer
Inventor
Dreamer

The ers kept coming
Like pleasant humming
I listened to her sing
And no longer felt the sting
Of my horrible artwork
With its stupid lighting
And toddler level anatomy
Colour blind shading
And clueless values

“There you go again!”
The Lady stamped her feet (cute)
And disappeared

Advertisement